...new beginnings, another chapter in this book of life...It seems like for the past many months now, my life has been on the same page...rereading those same sentences...living those same words...thoughts....stagnent. It's how I felt. There really was no further comfort...perhaps just that feeling of being on autopilot that made certain things feel secure...I remember it being mid August 2008...I needed a change, my heart was being pulled in another direction. Some call it a calling and I'd have to agree for you see...at that time, I was in a job in a lead position...I reflect back and see that I was fortunate to have worked there for those nearly three years and lessons learned through it have proved valuable through a lifetime...but my heart never felt fulfilled in a director's role...and I knew it...but through that job I met many different people and watched with open eyes and heart as one very special lady became my friend...and she saw in me what I always envisioned inside...my desire to become a hospice nurse. Ted would often tell me about how good I was at dealing with death and dying...he'd say "it's amazing how kind and compassionate you are and seem to always know those comforting things to say or do..." as others would stumble...and I'd smile and think "Isn't that an odd gift that God gave me"...well with encouragement from my dear, dear friend, I followed my dream into fruition and found myself inspired...and inspiring those around me and for the first time in a long time, I felt fulfilled. My kids noticed it...Ted saw a light in me that hadn't burned as brightly in years...and as I remember sitting in the VNA office....back in that summer...waiting for my interview that would change my life...upon looking at the little recognition boards that decorated the lobby...emphasizing and recognizing those who went that extra mile in performance...well it was then and there I vowed to give my all and Grace each patient with love that I was eager to share...and comfort to my fullest capability...and so it went...my dreams fulfilled until I lost that light when Adam left me...although I went back months after his passing...I found myself way too sad to be able to fulfill that role I took so seriously and knowing that I couldn't perform at 100 percent, walked away from it all...leaving it open to another who could fulfill it all...some would say it was a brave thing to do...others may say I was foolish...because I gave up much...but surrounded by my own sadness and absorbing every bit of theirs was too much for me to handle...because I loved them all so much, it made my decision easier...so for awhile...I was without a full-time job...lost without a sense of what I would do next...and feeling pretty empty...many interviews in the past two months...many different people met...some are kind when you tell then why your changing careers...some couldn't have cared less...having revealed I lost a son to one young lady, she passed to the next question like I mentioned something irrelevant...then it happened...I got called for a series of interviews for a job that I wouldn't have thought I'd fit into...but they kept calling me...an interviewing me...they smiled as they said their process is long...because they only hire the right people for this job...through this process....I felt many self-doubts...remember, I've been through a battle, feeling pretty much defeated, and this job entails working with kids...sick kids...
so I went to the person I trust more than anyone...Teddy...I asked him if I could do this...his blue eyes glistened as he held me tight...telling me "many people say they like kids, simple as that...but with you, kids love you Lori, they love you...don't you see it? They gravitate to you"...and I saw it, my second epiphany....there... in Ted's arm, at the lake where we walk, talk and reflect each day and as the rays of sunlight cast light through the trees, I saw hope in his eyes and decided to see this dream through...maybe it's Adam's wish for me to go into this new direction...upon hearing them offer me this new position, the regional manager told me something that made me see that perhaps this is my calling...she said herself and others saw me to be inspiring...perhaps I do have a gift, a gift to help these children and help hold the hands of their moms and dads...to guide them...and so I await to turn the page on my newest chapter in this book of life....wish me well, please wish me well....