....more dreams...an old friend wrote to me...telling me she dreamt of me last night...she came to visit me and as I answered the door I was covered in paint...she caught me while painting a room...we hugged and she got paint on her, too...I made tea...we laughed...looked at pictures of my boys and shared stories...sounds simplistic...doesn't it? When I thought about it...I saw much deeper and more profound meaning, for you see...many others are still afraid to sit with me...and have tea...some still have hesitations...perhaps that they'll upset me with saying the wrong thing...or perhaps they'll feel upset being around me...not certain? But the paint...I see that as representing pain...and as my friend hugged me she said...she took some of the "paint" upon herself. And you see...each time someone does something like that...it's like they're taking away some of the pain I wear daily. Friendship has been a key element in my getting better...I want to ease this horrific pain...I see the months passing by and I visualize myself becoming stronger but I'm still lost without him...I still cry at random...unexpected times day and night...how can you love someone so much and then lose them into eternity? Pains...they cover me like the paint my old friend dreamt about...