I heard her voice, quivering on the other end of the phone...the weakness of tone...something terrible has happened...she lost her son...just like me. I could tell she was in that early phase as I had been...as I remember that web of numbness encompassing me...sort of unable to fully take in the full depth of all that has happened to her...and her family. She was sent to me by another...for guidance...that perhaps I could hold her hand and guide her through some of this unbelievable sadness...I look back and think of the few parents who did reach to me...I must admit, it was extremely frightening...I wanted them to tell me all positive things...things that would make me more optimistic...but what I kept hearing was how cruel life had been...how the pain remains....unrelentingly at first but somehow through time...it's harshness begins to dissipate into more of an uncomfortable ache...that lingers...or at least so I find it that way...
but I said to Teddy, I don't want to scare her...so I'll only tell her little bits...and I'll let her hold onto Hope...because like us...we do hold onto Hope. I told her to stay close to those who love her...to allow herself time to mourn and grieve...to not set time frames...because no one can predict when the dismal clouds will lift...I shared with her my rituals...how I find comfort in being with those who loved my son...how I love being surrounded by good people...I feel better not being alone...I told her to keep busy...because being busy is good for anyone...and That I'll pray for her...along with all the prayers I pray each day...to someday figure out why...mom's like us...lose our kids?