Dear Adam,
Maggie came to visit me this afternoon, it was so nice seeing her smiling face...I made gourmet coffee and we sat and chatted...she brought along Tiff and BB...and I held myself together nicely...I want them to keep coming back....I want to feel normal and be able to talk with them and enjoy the time they took to spend with me...and I did...with my tears held back we smiled as we thought back on time. Your friend Smizzle's fiance put that into perspective for me the other night through our frequent face book exchanges....that we need to let guilt float away...that none of this is anyone's fault...no one expected this...things like this don't happen...although somehow it did...but rather than cast stones at ourselves and drive ourselves mad, we need to preserve what we have left...the amazing memories of your life. I pray all of the time...I ask God to lead me in a direction that best serves a purpose I am intended for...and I wait with patience like no other...so with a maddening pace, I continue to make my soups and preserve my vegetables...people ask me where I get the energy from...and I tell them it's something I need to do. I can be busy and keep my mind well...or sit back on a chair and stay stagnent...I chose the first choice...again, each thought....each day is to honor you...your memory....and to take care of the brother you left behind...I love you....and somehow, I know you're looking over me...I have this feeling....often that you're right beside me...I feel your pain...the longing for me to find Peace....and sadness of no "goodbyes"...the error of a split second mistake...