me......

Hope...basically it's one of the only things I'm here left with...and sometimes people who don't know the right things to say tell me things like "you'll never be the same person again", "this will change you forever", "you'll never feel the same way"....almost extinguishing any hopes that I'll be the "me" I was before...the bright, caring and funny person I was when my son Adam was here with me...and as I ponder...I wonder why? Why do people tell me these things? Personally I cannot imagine saying something that hurtful...perhaps it's that I've always weighed the words I planned to say before they left my lips...the compassion that truly bloomed within me...
it's like telling a person they have cancer and it will follow them the rest of their life...who does that? Hurtful words...maybe because so many people are so used to seeing and watching the demise of a family...a relationship...or a love when a child passes away....perhaps "those in view" had no further purpose...or perhaps they believed those same words passed onto them like those spoken to me...only thing is "they believed it and succumbed to what they heard"....it's like the kid in school who is told they'll never amount to anything...they begin to believe it...and most often...they grow into troubled people...those who know me...and those who know me well must agree that "me" before losing Adam....lived life in the stars, the optimism I held onto was so high...and me now? I'm still the same....I want to yell and scream it...I'm not harsh, or bitter or mean...I'm still that same person...the love that exudes from me is still oozing daily...into the lives of others that I touch. I still value friendships...I still reach out to Adam's friends...I want to be me...I want the air to remain full in my sails...I want my glass to remain half-full...I just want to be me...