....what legacy would I leave? It's something Teddy and I spoke of several times off and on about since yesterday...yesterday was sad...so utterly and devastatingly sad---we went to a Memorial service to "remember" a young girl who was "taken" way too soon---her mom works with Teddy and there isn't a negative thing to say about anyone in that family---loving parents...kind and gentle siblings----beautiful daughter killed suddenly and tragically in a fatal car accident....reflections of a life filled with kindness and perfection...idealized thoughts which were reflected in the way she lived and loved....seemed like she had so much to do still---yet it ended without warning...yes, I can understand that...as we, parents who know that sadness can fully fathom, we stood there and watched another set of people, like me and ted----say goodbye to the child they loved...there seems to be nothing fair about it---yet as we drove away I realized I took away with me so much more than I brought there...trays full of cupcakes and a wishfulness that they'd find some Peace....yet there was more---much more...as her siblings spoke, their soft and delicate voices...almost fragile...whispered their love and memories...they ended with "We don't know how to live without you----so we won't"....my heart swelled as I fully understood that they, too, chose to live like we do----to embrace the person we had...and in some way....whether it be big or little...find ways to remember the love we had...and to keep our son's life in our lives and in our light...me, Ted tells me...when I die many will mourn...he tells me through years of nursing, I've touched many hearts, he told me the kindness my heart holds will be thought of by many---a legacy....makes a good person want to be even better...who wants to die without making a mark...yet many so--living a life of complacency----cannot or will not allow themselves to even consider the uncertainty of life...God can take it all away in an instant...there is no one safe---no special powers... no discrimination here----loss can be felt by anyone, it's randomness and unpredictability can throw even the most stable person off their feet...but you have a choice...give up and give in...or give it all you have....I'm choosing the second choice...I want to be remembered...I want people to remember me for me---not the sad woman who lost a son and gave up---I want people to see me as the face of strength----someone who lost much but turned away from hate...who still found a way to see her glass half full....shaking off pity and wearing a smile to help others not as strong, stand up again...God Bless those who have felt loss...who feel like their world is closing in...God Bless us all in sad times...and give us peace...to ease our aching hearts....and help us believe, that in time, we will all understand the whys......
