Carefully. Surround yourself. With people who only lift you higher...❤️

Teddy. I love you...

With you I am the best "me" possible. With you things make sense.  Life hasn't been easy. But you and your positive attitude make me see things in a different light. I love most how easily I can talk to you.  Never lost for words.  My favorite thing about  "us" is how we remember.  Each of us bringing up happy moments that may have been told long ago. Yet we will both smile and those memories become vivid.  I love you. Much more than I could ever say in words. My heart is full.  You are everything I ever prayed for in a man. My love. My best friend. My companion in life. You are the greatest. Kindest. Most loving man I ever met. And I realize every day how blessed I am ❤️

....what I have learned.....

What Adam's death taught me...that anything in life can change in an instant...or can be swept away in an eyes blink. That you can never do enough to help someone or show love sufficiently. So we need to love as much as we can...just in case. That not everyone will be there for you as you'd presume. But there will be other people who'll  walk into your life with drive. And purpose...who'll lead you in ways you'd never imagine. That keeping your heart open is probably the most important thing you'll ever do in an unimaginable time. And if you allow it...God will send you signs. I've learned to forgive. Even if the apology was never made. Silently forgiving someone who hurt you allows yourself to heal.  Letting go.  Just letting the weight of anxiety lift away. Realizing that I've gone through the worst.   And I'm still here. Why cast more upon myself. I've learned strength. That it comes in many forms. I've learned bravery. Sometimes the bravest people are those who fight quiet battles each day without anyone else knowing. Facing fears. Sometime you have to look fear right in the face and say I'm stronger than you!  I've learned self pride.  I don't need anyone to understand my journey. I know the ride I've been faced to endure. Other people's opinions really matter very little. I've learned that being kind is a priceless gift. And that it feels really good to continue in kindness. That helping others in itself helps me. By helping others we create unbelievable friendships.  I've learned that little things are monumental. That there are times when no words are sufficient but that hugs always are. I've discovered that Silence is a good thing.  And alone time is also underrated. I've learned so much. I know some people carry their burdens in a way that others see it as soon as they're approached. I've learned to carry gratitude and thankfulness no matter where I go. And keep a positive attitude and smile for others. Because there are others who endured hard times too.  I'm pretty sure God's Grace helps me each day. Thankful
That people find warmth around me.  And that Adam's love envelopes me each day.

changes...in this past year I have lost three remarkable friends, Dennis died one year ago....his passing was sudden and unanticipated...with this also meant his wife, a very dear friend of mine moved far away---so my loss was multiplied...then one of my oldest friends I knew since kindergarten passed away, again, sudden loss...leaving behind two daughters, one still in high school....leaving me feeling at a loss of how sudden we can lose someone...Angie was in and out of my life....a steady friend throughout all our school years and even through nursing school...then moving away...and sometimes our paths would cross intermittently, but when Adam died, she resurfaced and helped me through my grief...watching her kids struggle through a week of utter Hell is something no kid should see or deal with...with hope I wish that her love and God's Grace they'll weather this storm...last month my solid rock of a friend succumbed to the horrible grip of cancer....as it reared it's ugly head and stole  another beautiful person away from me and all of those who knew her...Mary....I met her when Jordan and Adam were little boys and Jordan was fighting with Will in our alley.  She was very different than me, watching her I learned how to stick up for myself, how to be stronger...she did nice things that no one knew of and to me, there is nothing at all cooler than that...she didn't lose sleep over what others thought and she loved my boys like her own...when Adam died it was her and her family that got eggfest going...I knew at eggfest7 she turned another corner...but not in a good way, she was faltering health-wise and the spark that once enveloped her was fading, watching her decline was so hard....I miss her so much...I miss them all so much, because you see, each of them played a vital role in helping me, us...my Faith is strong and I am choosing to believe that God did assign each of them a task to help us here, and I know Adam opened his great big arms to welcome them in....each of them embraced in his teddy bear hugs, if I am wrong, it's a beautiful thought anyway....I guess what I have learned even more so is that life is fleeting...you simply don't know what tomorrow holds...so we need to embrace each day and live it to the fullest....

time....

....it seems so long since I've seen you....time steals away so much.  Time...at first...was second to second...the time that would pass between the breaths of despair....time...aided in helping me escape those moments...allowing me to survive into minutes...and in time, I was able to tolerate hours...but you still fill each day with immeasurable thoughts and memories of you, me, us...our family.  Your laugh is probably what I miss hearing most...and since you're gone, I look constantly for reassurances of you...sending me signs...letting me know that in time...I, too will see you again....time....I simply miss you so much....