Some people don't believe in anything. They don't believe in God, they don't believe in Heaven, they don't even believe in themselves. I believe in all of these things, plus a lot more. And having a guardian Angel like you makes it even easier to have faith. Thank you so much for all you have done and for watching out for us all. I know you played a part in Dad getting this promotion, and it only makes believing that much easier. Rest easy my brotha. Until the day we meet again........that's what Jordan had written on Adam's facebook wall last night...it's things like that...that make me want to believe....

Adam was truly proud of his dad...he adored him, actually got a "kick" out of him...as different as they had been...several things always connected them...their fondness of the "Fighting Irish"...the Yankees....a love for Bruce Springsteen...the joys of playing poker...and the way he'd lovingly tell all of his friends his dad was "a master of the custodial arts"...Ted was always there...in Adam's backdrop...in the fields as he and Jordan played football and baseball...smiling in the halls with his equipment...ready to fix something or lend a hand...we all knew Ted's commitment...the way he possessed these old-fashioned morals that are seldom seen now days...and the effortless way he seemed to perform his many tasks...never complaining and doing many kind things that no one else (besides me) knew about...and he'd smile...only the way that Adam could smile (with warmth and brilliance)....and no one on earth (besides Jordan) could possibly be prouder of Ted's accomplishment tonight...
Something deep inside tells me that Adam was watching from above tonight...as an achievement in Ted's life was met...and as much as it means...the joy we'd have to share this with Adam is lost...my tears continue...wishing I could see him embrace his father...wishing....he could embrace this moment...

When we are weak, we can still be strong. When we're under the greatest stress and facing the greatest challenges, it may be the best day of our lives, for God is working to make us into the people he wants us to be.

the Holidays are difficult, it's a tough thing to do...muddle through it. I see others scurry to meet the demands life places upon us to create "just the perfect day" but a loss like ours can change the hectic nature that once consumed us too...life is much different now...longer pauses and larger amounts of time and space wrap around us...we continue to grieve and mourn and we have accepted what has been cast at us...and although my tears continue...the warmth in them and the nature of how I cry has somewhat changed....I have become aware of the Blessed memories that my tears now contain...I realize that is all I have left and that I need to cherish them...and thankfully, I do...and my heart remains open as I continue on this journey...and if I close my eyes and drift off...to days before...I can envision Adam and Jordan as little children...filled with life and laughter...and how wonderful those moments had been...and how amazing my life was...and I don't want to ever forget what I was...or still can be...so I dust myself off each day, put on a smile...and face the world...in Hopes that someday true happiness will find me once again...

"It is God who enables us to return to life after tragedy—not by eradicating all suffering but by giving us the strength and the courage to heal what we can heal"....

I have grown to see that we cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are....We know that there is nothing that could ever fill the void that Adam's passing has created, but we do realize that an open heart and giving of oneself has helped people like us in immeasurable ways...

"Good friends are hard to find, that's why you should hold them tight." - Adam (Egg) LaRizzio ♥

When you come to the edge of the light as you know it, and all that stands before you is darkness and fear of the unknown......
remember your faith. It will give you either a leg to stand on or wings to fly.

Your journey is your personal one ....but friends can go with you. Sometimes it might be awkward, and uncomfortable. Sometimes you want them
there...close at hand...and other times...you want to send them home. But whatever you want...it is the right thing for you at the right time. And a real friend ...even though they might not understand it ...will honor it and respect your feelings. I can only pray that you find the answers deep in your soul that you ask...and until then...know that love endures the test of time...there is no limit to its endurance...no fading of its hope...it is the one thing that still stands...when all else has fallen.

and old friend writes me frequently, her words always hold Faith and optimism...her most recent note told me a tale of her own personal feelings of loss...of another young person who died too soon....too early..."there still isn’t a day that passes that I don’t think of her. Isn’t that a tribute? A gentle friend's memory, and her essence, are still alive and well despite all these passing years! We talked about her and just the kind of good person she was—always had a smile—and could give you one, too! She still holds a special place. Gone from our “family” but never from our hearts. Thought you might find some comfort in hearing that because people will always have Adam’s memory, and essence, with them too. And that “feeling” in their hearts that HE LEFT THEM! That’s the best tribute you get in life, leaving those kinds of impressions on hearts that you are never forgotten no matter how many years pass! I just find that to be such an awesome and extremely touching thought! Not everyone leaves that, you know. But you know Adam did……………"....I know how many hearts his heart has touched...countless hearts....I wonder somedays if I will ever meet someone else like him...his zest...his sincerity...he always wanted to believe in people...somehow...somewhere...he had gifts...amazing gifts...his love ran so deeply and his compassion was compelling...impressions...his imprints are deeply rooted in every piece of my being...

Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life.... It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home...a stranger into a friend...some of my best friends now have been people I have met through my loss...my home is never absent of sounds, movement and activity...I still hear Adam's presense in the voices of his friends...the encircling of laughter and love keep me going when nothing else can....may my home never be empty...by heart never be deflated...and my door remain open...so others may come in...and share the gratitude I feel...always...

direction...trying to figure out what way I am meant to go....some days spinning...lost and hopeless...and then other days filled with hopefulness...I guess that's normal...or so they say...after all, what is normal anyway? At night I climb beneath the covers...say my prayers and whisper to God...asking him to let you come into my dreams...I know...it's all very sad...it never feels good....nothing really feels good yet....and perhaps it never will...yet I continue on...and pray that others will support me...and sometimes I am disheartened, I guess I think others could or should feel as I do...and be there...listen...hope....and pray...and oftentimes it's just not that way....

"It is not doing the things we like to do but liking the things we have to do that makes life blessed".....