...an old friend writes me now and then...and I haven't seen her....since before Adam passed away, but in her words...I feel her near me...in life...sometimes we all get very busy and we don't mean to---but we forget...I am me...and I am the only me...but I do see there are others like me...who suffer sadness...who probably cry themselves to sleep at night, too...I think in my own very small way---I've allowed people to see, read...view----the life of loss...people are naturally fascinated in the good---the bad---even heartache...although I do think most people are good, and truly cared through all of my journey...my friend basically remarked there aren't many people like us---she didn't put a tag or label to it....but she was referring to us....those without agendas, being my friend won't get you noticed...fame or fortune will not be gained by knowing me....my friendship isn't influential...I don't rub elbows with important people...I'm certainly not the most intelligent person you're ever going to talk with---and definitely not the most beautiful....me...I am non-threatening....safe....loyal....kind. Most importantly, I am Faithful...not only to what I believe in, but to my sons, the one here next to me and the one I visit in my dreams each night...I promised myself I would never give up....he is now my angel and it would shatter him if he viewed me ever changing...I see and hear some people say "I don't even know how you can smile anymore...or how you're still going on"...yes, still said...and more often than you'd think....and then I think on who I was...and what was important...and most importantly, who Adam saw me as...I was "the best mom" in his and Jordan's eyes...and there is still more for me to do here...I know he wouldn't want me to stop life...because he made an irreversible mistake...yup---I live with his bad choice daily---but even though so much went wrong---I am me...little altered my the storm that flew through my life...no agenda....just a kind heart---connecting with others....always