...the reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past as better than it was and the present worse than it is....I remember learning that in psychology class...and for the most part, I'd agree...except with us...and my family---as our lives went along, Ted and I rolled along with changes...we had those hard times at some points, just like everyone else in middle class America does...but our definition of "family" never tarried...we loved being parents...some nights...still...he and I will quietly talk about how wonderful it was to have been a part of their lives...Jordan and Adam were never ashamed of us...we didn't embarrass them and they knew it...from being young parents we developed a quiet reverence to respecting their needs...we cherished the fact they were the kids who wanted other kids in our home...what an awesome compliment that was to us---and we knew it...that is probably the key reason so many younger people still feel compelled to check in on us...because of the love that was growing in this house...as far as future...I think it's too early to predict...parts of me had been hopeful that God would somehow makes things easier...but I see He's making me work hard on my own (with angelic support of course)...and I guess that's because the only way to find that "happiness" again is through self realization and hard work...
I remember the eve of the night my son went to Heaven...I was working late holding the hands and hearts of loving people who knew their loved one was going to pass...little did I know at that point what lay ahead of me in the wee hours of that morning to come...reflecting on present time? Yes---done daily and always with the most hopeful thoughts...sometimes I'll sit for an hour reading uplifting quotes...or silently praying that things will become easier...I wish I could be everyone who's sad personal savior...to prevent them from this pain, but I see I cannot, I am only one...but in my heart I try...and the small efforts of one...hopefully touch a heart now and then....<3