....sometimes I need to stop, reflect and realize ALL I have become through my loss...losing Adam....I lost SO much...but with this strength inside me...I am the best version of me...I can be.....
since I lost my son---my heart aches daily, nightly, sleep is never an easy task....overwhelming feelings of loss and grief can sneak upon me out of nowhere now....I have more resistance to who/what a friend should be....I know I can't "just talk" easily with anyone and that everything means SO much more...What changed about me in a better form?  It's true...I can relate to just about anything....I don't back away from uneasy questions and although my doubts have increased, my Faith and belief in those who are good have doubled....I am strong....I see this because MANY people who endure losses of all kinds find comfort in being victimized and pitied...I don't....rather it be, that I be the one encircling them with kind words and hopes for a stronger tomorrow....I have become patient...more so than I ever was----often wishing this one "came to me" earlier when I was younger and I had a better handle on the stresses of life....but I have that ZEN mode now....me...now...has learned how to tune things out....those irritating and meaningless chatters....but my ears and eyes are open and full of things I truly never fully realized beauty in...me now....well, my love for others has grown even fuller...deeper....empathy....fuller too....recognition is not important anymore, years ago I felt it "important" to be known, efforts to be commended....feats to be recognized, how refreshing it has become to be silent yet present in those things...my efforts are recognized my those who need them most...and my reward is the good feelings I get upon performing them....years ago, I would walk into a room and wonder if anyone there will "like" me, the me now wonders who in that room I will truly "like"...and I am not saying that in a negative way at all...simply that if I am meant to be connected to someone, it will find me....effortlessly....the me now....simply is....God's plan.............................................................