I became a rare statistic at 44...I wonder how this happens...life, that was the day my life basically ended, February 20th 2010...I do think for a mom, there is nothing more devasting than what I endured...me, and the few people we might have heard of or have known...who endured similar loss...and as time whirls on---one (like me) looks to the new world with wishfulness---not that our lives will ever be or regain what it once was---but our wishfulness to see hope and beauty once again...it's difficult...those rough days still find me---even as I run and hide and try to escape them---they somehow have become---inescapable...time passes---I remember days first---rolled into months---now years----I read so much that the first year is the toughest...I wonder who wrote that...and I wonder if their heart is as broken as mine...Ted and I...we fight the good fight with the sadness that looms above our heads...that gut-wrenching pain that seizes you from out of nowhere...when you can't breathe----upon daily realization we won't see him ever again...I miss his voice probably the most...the comforting sounds of him singing in the shower...or our late night talks...there was nothing more I loved that being a mom---and although I still am---we are all different...life is different...