...in a life of uncertainty, no one really knows what's going to happen next...the good...the bad, the unpredictability of it all...the only constant is that we have this one moment...and a chance to say what we feel inside our hearts...there is nothing at all that scares me anymore...because the worst thing that could happen...already has. I guess what I have left now is a depth of knowledge...recognition and an understanding of what everyone else has felt...who had been consumed by a severe loss as I...and I have been given the choice of using it...this new found knowledge...or allowing it to bring me down. Obviously I've chosen to use it's strength...but many moments still make me catch my breath...
I sat in church today and saw an elderly couple walking up to Father with the gifts for communion...something we Catholics do in memory of a loved one passed...my eyes welled up watching them...both white haired and fragile, him holding her by the arm...every bit of seventy something...choking back the tears...thinking, that will be me and Ted one day...walking up the aisle...remembering the son we lost...we'll be old people carrying the gifts with shaky hands...it's moments like that that almost make me give up...and then I look to my left and see Jordan, his soft hazel eyes smiling at me and I realize there's something more I have to do still...there's something more....until I see you again my sweet son...I will look for you each night in my dreams....always and forever, I will love you...