the Holidays are difficult, it's a tough thing to do...muddle through it. I see others scurry to meet the demands life places upon us to create "just the perfect day" but a loss like ours can change the hectic nature that once consumed us too...life is much different now...longer pauses and larger amounts of time and space wrap around us...we continue to grieve and mourn and we have accepted what has been cast at us...and although my tears continue...the warmth in them and the nature of how I cry has somewhat changed....I have become aware of the Blessed memories that my tears now contain...I realize that is all I have left and that I need to cherish them...and thankfully, I do...and my heart remains open as I continue on this journey...and if I close my eyes and drift off...to days before...I can envision Adam and Jordan as little children...filled with life and laughter...and how wonderful those moments had been...and how amazing my life was...and I don't want to ever forget what I was...or still can be...so I dust myself off each day, put on a smile...and face the world...in Hopes that someday true happiness will find me once again...