....it's been a rough year...a horrible year...the kind of year that tests each bit and piece of oneself...and I realize something new each day...and in the past 353 days...that never, ever have I ever suspected that I possessed so much inside myself...this year pushed me beyond any physical, emotional or spiritual limits...punched me...knocked me down...placed me in terrible positions...put me in center spotlights...scrutinized by others...discovering at times, with shock that some people wanted to see me down...some people wanted to take away my pain...while others allowed me to swim in it...but I did learn to swim...the worst things said started with "you'll never be the same"...and this was mostly uttered by "really smart people"...go figure...but those who loved me...truly loved me stayed true...and those kids who loved Adam continue to love me too...I felt the hand on my back tonight...while drying the last dish and gazing out into the darkness of the night. Why tonight? Maybe it's because I prayed extra hard for a new beginning...not to forget...because there will never be a moment that I would ever be able to...nor willing to wish to have him forgotten....just a wish to be able to get through a day...and make it a good one...
someone told Teddy recently that we deserve to feel happy again...and I know that he was right...we do deserve that...and Adam of all people would want that for us...he was so wishful for everyone to feel happy...and the warmth and pressure on my back was him telling me it's going to be okay...I miss him so much...my heart hurts...it aches for him...but I'm going to prove the doubters wrong and emerge a stronger person...and hopefully find laughter somewhere in the distance....